Saturday, February 15, 2014

A Personal Note: Feeling Stuck

This post is certainly a very personal one, and I almost decided to keep it to myself, but I feel I need to share. My mind has been racing for days. I feel like I fell into quick sand and I'm sinking slowly, unable to claw my way out. I feel so unhappy with where I'm at in my life right now and with no way of getting myself out. I know I have talked about being positive and remaining focused on your passions, but some days even I can't keep myself in that mindset. This past week has really hurled me into a whirlwind of emotions, but for the most part I feel numb. I feel like I'm running out of options and I'm being forced into becoming something that every inch of my body is so desperately fighting against. I don't want to become a corporate drone who lives their 9 to 5 life and comes home exhausted and brain dead. I don't want to do something that I don't have any interest or passion for just because I need the money. After months of searching, I've found myself at a dead end. I'm feeling more and more discouraged every day. I hate having a negative perspective on things and I'm always trying to change my way of thinking because I know "positivity is key." But it's so much easier said than done. I almost feel like a hypocrite now because just a few days ago I was trying to send this message out to everyone, and now here I am fighting to get the tiniest sliver of hope. I have always, always been scared of settling. Whether it was in regards to a job, relationship, anything. I never want to have to settle. I want to know that the choices I'm making are based on what I love, and not out of fear. And I guess now that's what I'm doing. Settling for something because of fear. It's so easy for us millennials to settle for something because of what is expected of us.  At what point will that change? How many people are truly happy with their life and what they are doing? Why is that such a rare thing nowadays? And why does it have to take so much courage to just go out there and do what you love, despite the consequences and risks. I have no idea what my future holds. And I have no idea how to handle everything I'm going through right now. It brings me some ease of mind, however, to know that I'm not alone in feeling this way. I just wish more people were open about it. Maybe we all wouldn't be so scared to take such risks if we knew that more people felt this way, like there was more to life than just getting by.

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